Fear

We all have fears.I’m not talking about the superficial things like the fear of heights or bears or spiders ,what I’m talking about are the things that intimidate you so much that they don’t let you sleep at nights. I’ve asked and been asked this question many times and have received answers as being lonely, growing up with no one to love etc. .But literally my biggest fear is being average and I’m scared as shit  of growing up and being just an average joe, another cog in the system.

I always wanted to be extremely good at something,something which would define me,something that i could be associated with giving me an edge over other person in that room. But this is not the case, I am average/good at most things but not good enough to make me stand out,give me the confidence that I can compete among the bests of that field. Give me the satisfaction that I’m actually contributing towards something amazing.

When we were little we were raised to believe that we are little geniuses .We can be anything when we grow up,anything that we’ll set our mind to is ours. As we grow up life itself beats this dream down and “I wanna be a pilot/movie star” becomes to “I wanna have a great paying job and travel” to  being just paid enough not to quit.I want to avoid it but the passion is nowhere to be found.

Most of us have at some point thought about the meaning of life, or at least our lives.Some people just don’t care and are content with whatever life throws at them, some want to know what their ideal role is. I don’t believe that much in fate but I do believe about the idea of a person being suited for a particular career pursuing which will make him the happiest.

I see people around me so motivated about their goals and are working so passionately about it and I’m still trying to figure out what I really want to be.I WANT THAT . What scares me is the thought that I, like many people wont’t be able to stand out of the curve,stuck in a dead end job just waiting for the weekend to arrive.

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